Wednesday, August 1, 2012
Where do I go from here? So I realize full fledge that I have a problem. I have expressed to those closest to me the way I feel and I am taking daily meds. I still feel so alone. I know I am not because I know God is here with me,but I still feel alone. Who do I tell them ,that when I am in a crowd I feel like my heart is going to pop put of my chest and now that I have kids going anywhere terifies me because I am constanstly looking watching my back. Walmart with kids isn't fun anymore especially when they can all walk and refuse to ride. I am always looking at how others see me( and the kids) Am I being the "fun mom" by letting them ride in front of the buggy or inside the big part of the buggy... DId I pull her back to hard to keep her from knocking into the poor woman. How do I tell anyone that I don't want to leave the house but that I don't have the energy to keep the house up to have anyone over. That I feel an anxiety attack everytime I even look at the dishes or laundry and I that I want to kill the dogs everytime I see they've beenin the dishes and how many ways can you talk, yell, take away TV, toys, and spank kids before they help out?!!!!! I feel like my entire life is a lie! I feel like anyone that thinks they know me only knows what I let them see.